Client Testimonials

What I am extremely hopeful about is that I have been searching for this kind of break through for almost 10 years of counselling, seven years of the AA 12 step program and whilst these things helped and I even talked about the same childhood experiences, nothing until now has broken through to force me to admit just how these experiences have affected me and continue to haunt me.

This I feel is highly significant and hopeful. I have struck at the root of my tendency towards hostility, anger and ultimately abuse and violence.

When I reached out to Temper 10 years ago I was literally at my wit’s end without a glimmer of hope; I had been heavily scorned by the family courts system and Cafcass, who collectively deemed me to be unworthy of contact with my estranged wife and child despite there being no evidence to support this assertion. 

Temper accepted me on to their course and I was truly apprehensive about what to expect - I felt as though I would receive more of the same treatment. I could not have been further from the truth: Temper enrolled me on to the course without judgement and they treated all the participants with great dignity and respect, which is what the family courts and Cafcass had incrementally torn away from me. 

The instructors were patient, empathetic and articulate in their demeanour. I learned so much on the short course - from self-reflection to assessing situations objectively, amongst other valuable attributes - and, most importantly, I was able to apply these teachings in real life.

I have since been able to reconcile with my estranged wife and we now live the life we wanted to live before things took a series of downward spirals in our relationship. We have had two more children. However, the lessons I learned from Temper have held me in good stead and I am able to sustain a healthy relationship with my family.

I cannot thank David and Denise enough for the care and attention they gave to this stranger. I will forever be indebted to them and I hold them in the highest regard.

The crucial difference is that DVIP or rather the approach they follow is not interested

in helping you process or deal with these [childhood] experiences at all. For them any such

critically damaging or formative experiences just mean ‘well, you can break the cycle.

It doesn’t have to be like that for your kids’. (This was actually said to me.)

It is clear DVIP stirred up all the things that have erupted as partner abuse and violence yet simultaneously denied me any means of processing, acknowledging or coming to terms with them so that I might stop acting them out with my wife. To stir it up and just leave it there or deny it seems to me a very dangerous course of action.

Although the course is therapeutic by nature and one feels thoroughly supported throughout, it is not therapy as such and certainly it is a long way from ‘tea and sympathy’. Rather I experienced it as a direct assault on all the barriers and defences I have put up to my inner world and emotional drivers.  

The program changed my life. I learned to really look deeply at myself. I recognised things in my behaviour that were controlling which I didn’t understand before. I also understand that I need to talk openly about my behaviour and now I do believe I have changed, all thanks to the time spent with these groups. Thanks will never be enough for what you gave me.

Yes, all is so great, I’m sober two years, have a new partner, been back to college, now I’m a personal trainer. I don’t see the children but been in contact and they know I’m always there for them and even my ex. It’s more than I had thought would be again all thanks to you.   

I'm 38. Two years into court proceedings and four months after being "found" a perpetrator of domestic abuse for having broken a window by accident 10 years ago, and getting angry during arguments with my ex-wife, I was at the bottom. 

I got in touch with Temper DV as I was trying to show Cafcass my goodwill and before they recommended a Respect accredited course. Not only did it do the trick with Cafcass, the course helped me understand and accept my feelings of betrayal, loneliness and unfairness towards my ex and the court system. 

It really boosted my self confidence, made me love myself again and helped me to adopt a productive attitude towards the proceedings, ie stop crying unfairness and fighting the findings and instead, display insights as to what consequences violent parental conflict has on children. 

I have been able to maintain if not improve my wonderful relationship with my 3 children aged 12, 11 and 4 since the separation. My supervision requirement has been lifted and I am hopeful, with Temper's inputs into the proceedings, to get something close to 50-50 at my final hearing later this year.

Dealing with domestic abuse allegations when trying to secure a meaningful role in one's children's lives is awful. I had been diagnosed as depressed when I got in touch with Temper DV and the course set me back on track. 

I was finally listened to and understood. The course is fundamentally human and warm and supports self driven progress towards a calmer and gentler attitude. I am a better person. My relationship with my children is stronger and warmer. I am forever grateful.

 I felt alone, lost and scared. I had been physically abusing my husband, who understandably had ‘had enough’.

I had contacted other organisations previously for help, but had felt judged and even more alone following my conversations with them.

Throughout my first contact with David I felt at ease. He was kind, calm and listened carefully to my very complex story. I didn’t feel judged and he made it clear to me he was willing to talk and help, which made me feel able to open up to him, fully and honestly whilst feeling safe. 

As our discussions progressed and throughout them David gave me many insightful things to think about. He never condoned my past behaviours but he did help me to navigate through and understand why I had been behaving so destructively. 

He helped me to sift through the chaos and provided many strategies and alternative responses that I could use in difficult situations. His ability to listen, understand and help me reflect on what had been happening was excellent. 

It has helped me enormously to turn things around. To have the confidence to ask, albeit in a different way for my needs to be met, but very importantly, how to respond when they are not met. 

I feel very lucky to have had the help and support from David. His knowledge and experience is vast, also his willingness to ‘be there’ have all helped. But most of all his warmth and sensitivity alongside his sense of humour and his humanity have done something for me that I will always be grateful for. I have now got back myself and my dignity! Thank you! 

To sum up the type of person I was prior to attending the Temper course would be very easy for me as my actions and feelings had been with me for most of my life prior to attending.

Angry, confused, Frustrated, Quick Tempered, Insecure, Aggressive, Confrontational, Unconfident, Unmotivated, with an Overwhelming feeling of Repression, and a constant Abuser of people in general.

After years of abuse suffered at the hands of my mother and various step fathers I became a very

aggressive person. I had a temper that I just could not control, coupled with a blatant

disregard for other people or their feelings, added to this I had no fear for my own safety or for the safety of others.

Having no role models and no guidance, I had no real way of knowing how to conduct myself in day-to-day society without being aggressive or confrontational, I was a real time bomb waiting to

explode and heading downward fast.

After a confrontation with my wife a friend to my wife suggested I get help and passed contact

details for David and Denise at the Temper course. The state of mind I was in was that no one and nothing could ever help me, so why bother? 

My wife got in touch with David and asked if he would call me and have a chat, this was the first step forwards I had made, one which would start the many steps forward I have taken since. David’s voice was one that didn’t blame or judge, just offered friendly advice and an opportunity to attend the Temper course — no false promises, no pressure. 

I agreed to attend the course and booked my place. Not knowing how to react when arriving at the course, I put up a front and became anxious, I was met by David at the door and welcomed in. With an understanding voice, he made me feel at ease and reassured me that things would be alright.

Maybe I thought this was where I would find some answers to why I acted the way I had done for years, this is not a feeling I could ever remember having before ever.

The course was held over two weekends and had a number of different aspects to it, some of which

were completely alien to me and I thought would have nothing to do with the way I was. How wrong can you be?

Everything was explained and the level of support we were given was spot on. During the course my confidence built and I had made friends for the first time in years. The feelings of loneliness and insecurity were leaving me, renewed with a passion for becoming someone likeable and

approachable, a friendlier person.

The level of attention to detail and support we were given was exactly the right amount and given at the right time. After the course I felt a different person, with everything in life that you have to change, you have to believe you want to change, and without the support of David and Denise, that would not have been possible for me.

I am now a confident person, have a better understanding of the way I used to act and why I acted in that way. I have more confidence than I have ever had, and even now think about the implications of my actions before I act, helping me to act in the right way.

As I have said before, I was on a downward path to nowhere, until I attended the Temper Course. I now have a very different outlook on life, even when times are very hard. I find the help, support, understanding, and the hard work that David and Denise put in to the course is absolutely vital and can only recommend them both with the highest regard.

It is more than a worthy course, it is essential and should not become part of the sentence that reads “there used to be this course that helped people like you”, “if only it was still around”. My view is that it certainly helped everyone that came over the two weekends that I attended and that is has been the major turning point in my life.

Had I not been given that opportunity to attend I would have most definitely been serving a prison sentence, at who’s or what cost I shudder to think. I believe that if more people living lives of aggression and confused hate had an opportunity as I did, domestic crime would fall as a result, that is more than a good enough reason for Temper to carry on as long as it's needed.

To end I would like to take this opportunity to thank David and Denise with all my heart, I now have more success in things I do because of the positives I see, I no longer look at the negative side other than to see how to change it to a positive, I have more friends than I have ever had and I know that people make their own minds up and don’t have to be forced into things and generally I’m liked by people, for the person I always wanted to become.

12 months on and doing good on the temper front. It hasn’t been easy but hey, we knew that, many thanks to you and David.

Even though l'm now divorced, l have managed to control myself and not fly off the handle with people, no matter how much l get provoked. I now understand that other people are entitled to their point of view, which makes life easier to bare for me. 

The courses you run will do more good than the hostels do the women after the fact. Well you're busy so let me just say thank you again for the help and support you gave me. A calmer more thoughtful Phil.

I’d like to say thank you, we are now expecting a baby in April.

Hi. I loved your service soooooooo very much, I think of the benefits gained from it on a daily basis. I really do. Nobody is like you and Denise, your work is simply outstanding, with love and bestest wishes x

Statistics will tell you that someone growing up like I was is not going to change, they will carry on drinking, fighting, being nasty to everyone, including their partner.

I was on a downhill slope in my mid-20s. I fought three-and-a-half years with Social Service to

try and keep my children and lost a lot in the process. I had had about 4 psychology reports done by the end and all kept saying that I had a severe personality disorder, to me this meant nothing. 

If this was a problem please help me so that I can move on and have a family. But this help never came. This came down to the normal answer in this day and age we live in and that is funding.

After leaving Social Services behind I went through a low state, drained, not knowing why and what had happened to me as a person. Who had I become. There was no self confidence in me. I could not stand to be around people, I was snappy and put everything and everybody down.

Things finally came to a head when I and my partner went on our first true holiday and from start

to finish it was a disaster. We argued I was grump, moody, argumentative. The holiday was ruined.

I had then seen in the mirror what I had become. It was then that I need to find help or I would lose the last thing left in my life, my partner, and I was not going to let that happen.

Finding help is the hardest part, it is not just pick up the phone book and there we go.

I tried everything, every avenue, I was getting nowhere, and then there it was – this group called

Temper. 

The person on the end of the phone is David, a very kind and caring person, somebody

who makes you feel welcome.

The first day was tiring to say the least, on my drive home My brain was spinning, all sorts of things were coming to mind on what we had talked about that day. The thought of doing another day was hard work but it had to be done, I told myself this over and over again.

I did however get the one thing I wanted from this therapy and that was to tell me who I was. I was not this monster that had been created through life and there was one person who could change all that and that was me.

These changes were not instant but were over time. In that following year 2001 and into 2002 I

changed. I went on Holiday to Europe for the first time and it was the best holiday I had, I joined a Rollercoaster Club of Great Britain, which was a big thing for me as this meant socialising with people.

I treated my partner with more respect and treated her as a person and not an object.

If it was not for groups like this then I do not believe I would have changed as a person.

Now to top it off I have achieved the ultimate goal and that is to have a baby boy, so my partner and I can finally be a family with a child.

Over the years I have felt like I was written off as a bloke and that is not fair. The psychologist through his last words 5 years ago wrote me off as a parent and lost me my last 2 children. Through Temper and myself I have overcome all of this to prove that there is a

change in everyone if they only had the right help. 

If I can do it then anyone can, all you need is confidence in yourself and to have the help of groups like Temper which is under £500 for 2 weekends. My assessment with the psychologist cost Social Services £2100 for 2 sessions which was just for a report. Temper would be the cheapest way of getting a report and assessment done at the same time.

Dear David, you came across as genuinely compassionate and caring from the first contact with you on email. I must admit that I was sceptical, however, after the first weekend I knew that you were one of the special people God chooses to help people. 

Thank you for your insights, your care, love, your energy and for giving your time to me. I hope that some day, one day I am as good at my job as you are at your vocation. May God bless you with good health and happiness.

With love & respect...

I first contacted David at a very difficult and distressing period of my life. I felt alone, lost and scared. I had been physically abusing my husband, who understandably had ‘had enough’. 

I had contacted other organisations previously for help, but had felt judged and even more alone following my conversations with them.

Throughout my first contact with David I felt at ease.  He was kind, calm and listened carefully to my very complex story. I didn’t feel judged and he made it clear to me he was willing to talk and help, which made me feel able to open up to him, fully and honestly whilst feeling safe. 

As our discussions progressed and throughout them David gave me many insightful things to think about. He never condoned my past behaviours but he did help me to navigate through and understand why I had been behaving so destructively. 

He helped me to sift through the chaos and provided many strategies and alternative responses that I could use in difficult situations. His ability to listen, understand and help me reflect on what had been happening was excellent. It has helped me enormously to turn things around.  To have the confidence to ask, albeit in a different way for my needs to be met, but very importantly, how to respond when they are not met. 

I feel very lucky to have had the help and support from David. His knowledge and experience is vast,  also his willingness to ‘be there’ have all helped  But most of all his warmth and sensitivity alongside his sense of humour and his humanity have done something for me that I will always be grateful for. I have now got back myself and my dignity. Thank you!